I am Lily, twin sister of Aurelie. Someday (or “quelle jour” as we French say) when I get married, I will introduce myself as Lily, twin sister of Aurelie, wife of—-” well for now let’s call him Monsieur Franco. And he will say, “I am Monsieur Franco, husband of Lily, brother-in-law of twin Aurelie.”
Aurelie and I currently live in hotel rooms. We each have our own, but there is a door connecting the two. Aurelie entered an HGTV contest and won the rooms for a year.
Les choses (the things) that bring me happiness:
* tall, gentle women
* gentle people in general
* Indian accents (not the food. I’m not racist, though. I also don’t like German food, but I once had a gerbil named Gretel.)
* babies in those backpack things
* walking over bridges
* male figure skating
* pick-up trucks
* untalented assholes
C’est ca for now. My sister Aurelie wants to pretend to be Swedish twins in the lobby for awhile.
And now Aurelie will perform her poem. She clears her throat.
Pretending to Be Swedish Poem
In the hotel lobby I pretend to be a Swede,
it’s better than pretending to be a centipede!
I make my language lilted and talk about meat balls,
and arm myself with herring to ward off rude cat calls.
‘Cause everybody knows Swedish girls drive the men wild,
especially if there’s two of them identically styled.
In knee socks with pompoms and pleated mini skirts
we taunt and tease the passersby until we get dessert!
Salut! Je m’appelle Aurelie. I live in a grand hotel with my twin sister Lily. Elle est tres jolie. That means she is very pretty, which is also a compliment for me because we’re twins! I love how that works! C’est magnifique! Anyways, just a few weeks ago we were running out of money and weighing the pros and cons of prostitution when I saw an ad for an HGTV contest. I hadn’t a clue what that meant but Lily said I should enter: “You’re the one with all the luck,” she said. Looking back now I think she was confusing “luck” with the saying “getting lucky;” “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir,” is a common phrase in my daily life. But I guess she was right because that very day we went downtown where the contest was being held and after thirteen grueling hours of Jeopardy Trivia and feats of strength that would make the Survivor contestants cringe, I won the grand prize and all our woes disappeared!
For any prospective suitor, here are some of the things that bring me happiness:
*Hot Fudge Sundaes
*Pick up Trucks
C’est ca for now. My sister Lily wants to practice her Indian accent so we’re going to hail a few cabs. Vous parler bientot!